crafting a new “me”

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One of the many benefits of being in recovery, is rediscovering the parts of you that were silenced by booze. Like for me, crafts and creative pursuits. For example, as a small child I would dance, make a theater and put on a puppet show, direct plays with my sisters, paint, draw, go on an outdoor adventure, make a fort, and once my Mamaw had taught me how…crochet! Yes, I’ve renewed this quiet task of looping yarn through holes to create a lovely scarf or blanket. I have found how soothing it is to get lost in looping, over and over…the simple job of singular focus on making something. It’s therapy. It’s meditation.

Well, of course TM (transcendental meditation) is much more difficult I imagine. But probably not as fun! Although I would love to carve out time in my day to sit and practice true meditation. I’ve researched its profound effect on the human body and I must say it sounds way more effective than prescription drugs or dieting or even, dare I say…exercise?

Nonetheless, sobriety changes your mind and helps you to remember. Things I once found joy in, lost myself in, ways I escaped without knowing what that was or that it was necessary. Books, movies, music, artistic expression in any form. I’m so grateful I’ve remembered and have a renewed appreciation for those things.

How addiction overwhelms our senses and our focus! I’m only now realizing how my brain was manipulated by my alcoholism. Here was my one- track mind’s daily message, “Get a drink! Find a drink! Wait for the day to end to drink! Is it time yet for a drink?” that’s how it went. Sadly. Nothing else compared to the determination my body and mind had to fulfill that goal of obtaining my drug of choice to numb away the day. Numb the thoughts, drown the worry, fill up the void. Sick huh? Just thinking how sick I am/was…makes me sad. But I’m happy now, right now. I can crochet! I can make things. I can write. I can speak clearly, have a purpose beyond getting drunk. That’s a miracle to me. Addiction is a lonely thief of our soul’s desire. I know that now. Today I can be in the moment with a craft, a song, a letter. Addiction stole so many of my moments. Not one more moment will be taken without my permission.

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