nothing to something

I don’t really have much to say, but since it’s the 3rd of June, and I haven’t posted yet this month…I need to put something down. I hope it’s not nothing. I went to a Saturday night meeting, not really planning to go. I only planned on talking to my sponsor and leaving. But I felt obligated once there. And it was nice. Some members got their 1 year sober chips. It was refreshing to hear a lady say, “One year without a drink is hard to do.” This in a room full of men with 20 to 30 years sober. And I was grateful to hear another person say that making a year without drinking (but you can substitute whatever addiction you have) is not easy. It takes work. Much inner strength, profound fortitude. But the mountains do not crumble before us dry drunks in reverence to our struggle. That is the thing. At least for me. Knowing the difficult thing I’m doing…changing myself from addict to clean and not getting the recognition I feel is deserved. I mean, I don’t know if anything in my life will compare to the amount of strenuous steps I’m making every day to change from a drunk to something better. It’s just staggering to me the statistics of those of us who “make it”. Let me knock on wood for good measure. Addiction claims more lives than sobriety recovers. Like 100x more…1000x more. Today I feel good. Better. Less stressed than I have in a few weeks. And I want to say that being close to 9 months without a drink is awesome. AWE-some. That I have done it is even more amazing. I can’t describe the gratitude to my higher power, but I can’t describe the willingness to change that is required to reach this point. I so wish other alcoholics (my dad) would make the decision and have the support and resources it takes to get clean. There is no other life for an addict but to make my decision and stick to it. Life is a gift. Life is to be savored, cherished, and felt with every breath we take until we aren’t able to take any more breathes. If you want this life. Many don’t. My favorite author right now says, “You have to want to be sober more than you want to be drunk.” But I really think what he is saying is the stuff that comes with sober. The LIFE that comes from being a sober person every day. When I was able to visualize a life I could have without drink, that’s when I got clean. When I pictured the alternative…well, let’s say that wasn’t as attractive a choice. It’s got to be made individually. And I pray for my fellow addicts and alcoholics, that they too receive the same clarity and blessing I have today.


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