from the mountain top

Sitting here at the peak, I’ve decided to be a free agent. I don’t want or need someone to sponsor me anymore in AA. I don’t want another person telling me how to work the steps. I don’t usually want someone else telling me anything. But such is the crisis of the newly sober, that you do usually need a sponsor, to reassure you at the beginning of your journey, be your guide, your Virgil. I guess some drunks have sponsors for a life time. But why? I’m still going to meetings, or plan to. But recently I didn’t like how trying to change from one sponsor to another left me alone, ultimately. And isn’t that the truth of it? We are alone. The 12 Steps bring us to the understanding of a Higher Power and in that way, I am never alone. But as far as another human being doing this spiritual, physical, emotional and mental work? That’s all me. In the end. No one claims my sobriety but me. And of course the grace of God, my Higher Power. Which brings me to the concept I have of a Higher Power. Its essence was with me on the Mountain Top, She was with me at Rock Bottom…and everywhere in between. My Higher Power is Truth. Gandhi said, “There is no God higher than Truth.” And Gandhi reminded us that although an error in thinking (and please, we are but human, even those of us in AA) may be perceived as the absolute truth, this majority rule does not make it so. “Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the Truth.” Paths are many to the Truth. AA is a suggested form of recovery, the 12 steps is a path to realizing one’s truth, my Higher power. Perhaps my path to the truth needed to be alcoholism and recovery. Well actually not perhaps but obviously. My recovery from alcoholism is leading me closer to this truth each day…each set of 24 hours I get glimpses of the Truth. I receive blessings rained down upon me, showered in beautiful truth. Addiction and alcoholism, AA and sponsors, these are human things. They are of the material world. The Truth is born out of another realm, a divine space and place that takes much work to enter. Yet we too were born out of this realm. I summarize most of the Bible as fictional accounts, folklore if you will, of ancient male viewpoints on ascending into this higher realm. However, much of scripture has vibrated in my soul as truth and one such no more than this, found in Genesis, “And God said ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.’ Ahh, so rich this passage. God speaks to an Us? Let Us create man in our Image and likeness. The final day of the creation story and God breathes life into humankind, that we should have a Soul. Not simply a material body like the animals and all other creation, but God gives us an immortality, a distinction, that we are born of His Otherness, the realm of all Truth. This story in the Bible brings me such peace. I know that I am part of this universal Truth…I am the Truth. I am the Light. I am that I am. And to be bound to an earthly physical body, is to ignore the greater Truth. My soul knows from where I come, and I have this lifetime to remember. Perhaps several lifetimes of journey to the mountain top are necessary for me to remember. But this day, I can look back behind the last 11 months of travel, and I’ve reached a point. We are all human, flawed and captive to this material world. Yet we have a memory, a soul, that wants to know Truth. No other person can give this to you. It is yours to realize, mine to claim.


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