on monotony

monotony…the cycle, daily grind right? it keeps me questioning why I do what I do each day. I dont’ know why I have this sick behavior about routine, but it makes me feel squirrely. I ‘ve got to keep myself on my toes and probably monotony is not the right word for what i’m feeling. I wake each morning (well week day morning) panicked and tired. must get to work on time, my dear. must drop the kiddos off first. it takes preparation and motivation. because of …hmmm don’t know the because, but can’t quite flip the switch in my circuit to embrace daily routine. can’t find the comfort in the schedule. doing something every day, that is hard. ha! I should know! haven’t had a drink in now 383 days, over 9,000 hours. that’s a lot of time doing the same or “not doing” I should say. oh i’m funny. so anyway this is boring stuff. everyone gets up each day to go to work, catch a train, obligations that must be performed…but many times I believe it to be arbitrary. what I mean is, “wouldn’t it be just as significant to the universe if I didn’t wake and do these tasks” but I know …that’s the Adversary talking to me, the worthlessness, the dreaded and formidable clouds of depression. its a struggle. prayers for me today and always.

what do you do each day to make your hours meaningful, purposeful?


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