the person i imagine vs.

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I have two (or more) selves I offer to the world daily …the one true me and the “ideal” me.  the imagined me is giving, accepting, tolerant, virtuous, easy, present, compassionate, enthusiastic and above all, full of gratitude.  then there is the me that I fight to accept, the scared, hurt, angry, self-righteous, envious, critical, erratic, pitiful, beaten, despondent, sometimes suicidal me.;  she is a bitch.  I know from watching OWN and the Thich Nhat Hanh interview http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-Talks-to-Thich-Nhat-Hanh/6 that I could treat that me as a baby, an infant who depends on my love and care.  I can’t love that me, for some reason.  I hate that me.  If I could kill her, I would.  But that would  mean killing the other me, the me I imagine.  The me I can be sometimes, if I am living here and now.  In the moment. One breathe at a time. 

I’m willing to try this, which I hope can last a week, to arise each morning and breathe mindfully and express gratitude for the present moment.  Even if it is shitty, even if it is yucky feeling and uncomfortable (as most mornings are at 6, for true me anyway) I will say thank you for it, embrace it and breathe again.  Until the moment of beautiful acceptance for it, and that me no longer has power over the other.

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7 thoughts on “the person i imagine vs.

  1. Well expressed. I can certainly relate. Good idea on the nods to gratitude. I’ve felt led, of late, to start my gratitude journal again. Listing minimum of ten things I’m grateful for in a day. Hot water, my cats, clear skies, AC… There are so many things to be grateful for- but man the negatives are so magnified! Wishing you healing for your “other self”. The ones who are the hardest to love are often the ones most in need of it.

  2. The following can be effective.

    11th Step Guidelines

    The following summarizes the description of the 11th Step provided in Alcoholics Anonymous (primarily on pp. 86-88).

    Preparing for the Day Ahead

    1. We ask God to direct our thinking, asking especially that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.

    2. We consider our plans for the day. We can now use our mental faculties with assurance.

    3. If we face indecision or we can’t determine what course to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy.

    4. We pray to be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of problems.

    5. We ask especially for freedom from self-will.

    Prayers to be of Use

    6. We ask for guidance in the way of patience, kindness, tolerance and love especially within the family.

    7. We pray as to what we can do today for the person who is still sick.

    Spiritual/Religious Exercises

    8. If appropriate, we attend to our religious devotions, or say set prayers which emphasize 12 Step principles.

    9. We may read from a spiritual book.

    Practicing the 11th Step Throughout the Day

    10. We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.

    11. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.”

  3. Very heartfelt post for me, I had a counselor long ago that told me this too, that I needed to take care of that me and be kind to her and gentle and that that me really needed my love. I laughed it off back then, but I did return to that idea and it ended up being very helpful! Thanks for sharing this and I love the note there at the top, very true! Hang in. Hugs!

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