sisterhood of the traveling traumatic event

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Yes this funny e card about sums it up.  Its a love /hate relationship. Or a good in small doses one? nbsp; They build me up to tear me down.  .  

Why do family hurt each other so?  The ones who know us so intimately are the ones with the knowledge to destroy us, if we let them.  Iguess I’m sad and in a funk because my baby sister went off through a brutal text assault. Crazy cruel.  She’s a Gemini and the baby in the family.  From my “psychologist” podium I say that’s a double whammy.  Babies in the family are the notorious black sheeps. Capable of breaking the family’s heart with their own special blend of irresponsiblity, risk-taking and a sprinkling of narcissism.  At least, that’s how it goes with her. Why do I let her bring me down?  Simple.  I love her.  My love for her, just like my love for my dad, mom and middle-sister, make it impossible to ignore the cruelty they either directly or unintentionally inflict; In recovery, I know my joy is not determined by others’ actions and words, and if I place my serenity in the hands of another I will surely and sorely be disappointed.  Yet I cannot stop my heart and my head from getting the message that she is in a “different place” than me; that I must “let it go”  and move forward with what seems to me, most of the time, careless abandon.  LIke, how do you buffer yourself from harsh criticisms from a person who knows you in a way no one else ever will?  Someone smart wrote that siblings’ shared childhood shapes the way we view the world, the shadow of our childhood haunts us all.  And for siblings, this shadow is strikingly similar and a touchstone.  For me, I look to my sisters when things go wrong, when I seek comfort or understanding, when my bad days outnumber my good ones, my sisters know my core.  TIME magazine wrote a piece on siblings and beautifully described our relationship, ” In a world that’s too big, too scary and too often too lonely, we come to realize that there’s nothing like having a band of brothers–and sisters–to venture out with you”.  I’m lost without these essential relationships.  My sisters have been a part of my life story forever and of course as adults we create a new life with spouses and children of our own, careers, etc.  The roots of me, they are shared by two little sisters.  I can’t undo that, unplant that truth.  And I’m deeply hurt when this well-spring of support is uprooted by unkind words.  I am not innocent usually.  However being in recovery has alleviated the need to be right ALL the time, or maybe make it easier to admit wrong-doing.  Character defects they call them in AA…all humans have them.  Just us alcoholics in process of growing spiritually have come to understand there is no peace in fighting.  No calm in arguing or holding on to ego.  It’s slowly evaporating into a fog.  Thank God.  Pain from family is unlike any other.  It cuts deep to the bone.  Yet heals like magic at genuine apology or  gratitude for knowing that  although we are grown and live separately, nothing will compare to the joy and sorrow we privately shared as young children.   We held each other together than, under bed covers, hands held walking down the street.. And now have the unequal power in adulthood to perfectly smash what was forged in the dreamscape of childhood.  

Read more: The New Science of Siblings – TIME http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1209949,00.html#ixzz2q17rNBPn 

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