If you are feeling sorry for yourself, want to swim in the pool of self-pity, stuck in perpetual self-loathing and an enduring depressive state this post is for you. Recovery is so much more work than just not drinking. Which I’ve slowly realized these past 18 months without a drink. Now the action (work) begins. Once I realized I was powerless over alcohol and had to surrender my faculties to a greater force than myself, I began to accept my disease. However, this acceptance and powerlessness have done little if any thing to relieve my roller coaster ride of anger, unhappiness, resentment, victimhood, anxiety and depression. The only one sure cure I’ve found, is to be of use. To someone, to something. To do. “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” and in my case, the devil is my mind. Any addict or alcoholic mind wants its host to believe the lies. Lies such as “You’re so pathetic, worthless, awkward, ugly, stupid, waste of space, …” Where once the lies kept me drinking now they wander thru my brain landscape to taunt and tempt me. I can get stuck there if I’m not careful. Listening for too long. But the problem is, while I’m busy believing these untruths, someone somewhere could use a hand. And I can’t offer it if my ego has me under his spell. I’m not against the value of the miraculous human mind and all its capabilities. But for me, an alcoholic, I can’t trust it when it starts this chatter. This is self-destructive and unhelpful. Why do I so often find myself in its grasp? Who knows. It matters not. What happens when I leave Self, thru prayer and service and a whole lot of strength, bravery and courage…temporary respite is offered. I don’t care much about what I look like or how many bills I’ve paid or who is watching me…I am outside of that realm, if only briefly. But I will take it. And the challenge is to find ways to DO anything but sit in that lonely barren plain of existence. Action requires attention to a job, a task and even if so lucky, the opportunity to help another human being. This is my salve for what stings.