Willingness

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A speaker from Monday night’s meeting recounted his story and what stood out for me was his insistence that the beginning of sobriety required a “whole lotta willingness” on his part. Indeed. What’s more, admitting one’s powerlessness over alcohol and a desire to quit drinking means bringing willingness to the table. Success in recovery demands willingness each day. Willing to admit my defects of character, willing to believe in a HP, willing to accept my disease. Many who enter AA and treatment have absolutely no willingness to see life as different. That their addiction cannot be cured by simple willpower. Denial says “I can stop anytime.”  Guess what? I can’t stop myself from drinking. If I could have, I would never have made such a mess of things. Now I’m quite aware the only thing standing between me and a drink is my willingness to allow God to do for me what I could not do for myself. Surrender isn’t natural. Self-preservation and instinct of the mind keep us stuck in a mentality that screams “I’m in control. I say what happens and when…” But not so for the recovering alcoholic. If we stay in that frame of thought, we die drunks. We lose it all. We remain suffering, tormented by our sheer inability to not do the thing that is killing us. Insanity. But by the amount of willingness I bring forth each day, to say “I am powerless, I need help” saves my life every 24 hours. I’ve managed to willingly turn my life over to my HP for the past 642 days. Some days, most days, I’m pretending and going through the motions. But that’s ok. I know what it means to fake it til I make it. The only thing I can’t fake is this willingness. Please if you are struggling to get sober and quit drinking, be willing to try my suggestion. Get down on your knees and pray. Pray to your dog or the sunshine or the fact that you can still breathe air. But pray and ask that force that is outside of yourself for help. I couldn’t do it alone. There is nothing to fear by admitting you can’t do something. It’s a freedom. You will receive abundant rewards for you willingness, you’ll see.

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