alcoholism…a happy accident

There are two ways to view my alcoholism. 1.  as a horrible calamity 2. as a gift.  On my best days, I can be grateful for alcoholism because it has given me a straight route to my higher power and a need to communicate with God.  Unless I was a drunk, I’m not sure I would have sought out the relationship so eagerly.  And this truly has been a gift.  To know that a prayer, a meditation daily practiced can uplift my consciousness and force me outside of self.  Yet, most days I hate being alcoholic and dread the process of sifting through my negative thoughts to find a ray of light.  It’s tiresome only because I refuse to give up control.  The joke’s on me because I know I am powerless.  Still I fight a battle between “good and god-damn-it” each day it seems.

One day soon a shift, a sea change, will take place I’m hopeful.  And I will be living more in the happy accident of alcoholism.  Until then I recognize my humanity and my flaws and remind myself of “progress not perfection.”

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One thought on “alcoholism…a happy accident

  1. I can definitely see how the alcoholism can be a gift. By having gone through all of that turmoil and choosing to come out of it and change our lives, we can redefine ourselves – we become stronger and happier people if we work the sobriety to our best. 🙂

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