Drinking sometimes sounds good

But then I remember I’m an alcoholic and the momentary carelessness of such a thought terrifies me.  I can’t help but feel a need for escape when work is hard, raising children has me exhausted, marriage is tough, and living life wears me out…but those feelings pass eventually.  I say a quick prayer and ask my HP to give me a good shot of gratitude for the abundance in my life.  Do you need to be awakened to the many blessings in your own life?  I know that for poor, miserable, pitiful me (sarcasm implied)…gratitude and thankfulness are not normal states of consciousness.  I require guidance and grace to see the beauty in my life, to acknowledge all that I surely have to be grateful for.  What are first viewed negatively and with contempt for the responsibility they demand of me–my loving spouse, my career, my home, my beautiful & healthy children, my sobriety–become the gifts to be cherished and never taken for granted.  When you’ve been as reckless as me in your selfish drinking past, the gift of the moment cannot be ignored.  To take these hard things in life and make them my treasures, that is my daily lesson.  I am learning, slowly but surely.  What I used to run away from, I embrace.  What I needed escape from, I welcome.  Still grudgingly at times, but the invitation is there.  I’m wide open.

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