for the past several months I’ve really struggled hard with my depression. I’m now back in therapy 2x month, have weaned off a mood stabilizer that I found wasn’t really helping, and made the promise to be active more than once a week. you know what works miracles? exercise! believe it or not. no amount […]

“nothing will work unless you do”

A wise woman once said “Nothing will work unless you do”. I feel this is where I’m at now; over two years sober and life on life’s terms has become unbearable for me. The day to day search for meaning, motivation and push to live in moments. I have a real problem with acceptance. Nothing […]

The danger of self-pity

My one character defect that daily (usually) sucks the joy out of life is self-pity. I tend to veer straight toward depression, angst, melancholy and a profound self-loathing. It mainly grows from an anxiety and worry that I am not measuring up to my fellow humans. Everyone else seems “together’; being happy, confident, competent and […]

814 days: a tribute

I’ve come to a revelation the past week, one that’s been forming for quite a while. I am now 814 days sober. What does this really mean? Clearly, I haven’t had a drink in over two years. I haven’t had a hang-over in some time. But more to the point I am living in recovery. […]

Let it go

My idle mind is the devil’s playground. I sit in silence, because like Rumi, I have a storm raging in my brain. When I find myself in this self-destructive mental space I create dysfunction and subvert precious moments. I make a mess of the day and am absolutely no help to anyone. My kids suffer. […]

Our liquor was but a symptom

Therefore we must look at causes and conditions says the Big Book.  I like to think my resentments and depression are justified.  Yet I haven’t gotten much relief from my righteous reasoning.  Does it really make a difference if my anger, misery, unhappiness, grief and bitterness is warranted?  I still feel horrible and remain locked […]